Vampires do not sparkle.

Carlo and myself had an interesting discussion about this topic a few days ago while sitting at a local fast food that I was enthused to type down the totality of what I was trying to say.

The vampire, in my opinion, is probably the most popular of all characters of folklore. Originating from ancient times and particularly widespread among the Slavs, it was said to be a corpse that rises from the dead, usually taking form of a bat, and, for sustenance, drinks the blood of sleeping humans.

Through the years, the vampire evolved. Books and films and the arts took the vampire and either built around the tail or structured a whole new storyline. The novel Dracula by the British write Bram Stoker narrates the story of the Transylavanian vampire Count Dracula, who became one of the prevalent subjects of horror films. Nosferatu - Eine Symphonie des Grauens (Nosferatu the Vampire) by director F.W. Murnau in 1922 was based on Stoker’s work of fiction, and I would like to state for the record that it’s one of my personal favorites out of all the movies I ever watched in my lifetime. Another example would be the 1958 picture Dracula directed by Terence Fisher. Actor Christopher Lee did a superb portrayal of the Count, indubitably.

After hundreds of years, divers versions of the fictitious fellow came up and about. We all witnessed the range of its audience from writers such as Anne Rice, who came up with a few books on the subject, like the popular Interview with a Vampire, which was turned into an equally well-known film directed by Neil Jordan, to the more child-friendly creations like the Count, the purple vampire puppet of the famed show Sesame Street, who liked to, erm, count.

There is only one existing slap on the face of the vampire, and that’s the fame of the Twilight books. These books came out of nowhere, and aggravatingly, I’ve never heard of a more demeaning description of the vampire. Edward Cullen, along with his posse of organisms that, to my amusement, sparkle during the daytime, do not warrant immortalization, but deserve to be stuffed in a cannon and be blown away into a vat of boiling acid with meticulous accuracy. The character of Bella Swan is exceedingly patronizing to the senses, and I am doing an enormous favor by wishing all the girls out there who aspire to be “just like her”, because she’s “so lucky”, to fall flat, face first in the muck, and wake up from the chimera that vampires such as this Cullen exists, for the salvation and betterment of their souls. Throwing werewolves in the mix doesn’t ameliorate either.

Stephenie Meyer is either of two things: with the emo era all the rage, she must have thought she’d make a fortune by transcribing about vampires and love scenes, so she decided to come up with a story, no matter how idiotic it seemed, and went off to be a millionaire, or, maybe that’s how she really is, deeming her works a masterpiece, but giving me all the more proof to show that she is no genius.

I never watched the movie, nor will I ever plan to. I’m not all crazy about the soundtrack either. I’ve seriously lost all veneration I had for bands such as Paramore and Linkin Park. I’m sure those who were keen on their music years back know and unerringly understand what I’m saying. If their most recent releases were bad enough to the ears, I wouldn’t be able to stand them in this assemblage, with which I heard lead man Robert Pattinson contributed in as well, and it’s beyond me how that sounds like. The only consent-worthy in this thing about it in there was Muse, and you can never go wrong with Muse. I would also like to go on an effortless denunciation on the actors who took part in this film, but that’s a judgment poles apart from what I’m articulating here with much endeavor.

And so, from highly respected actors such as Max Schreck to shameful unmentionables like Robert Pattinson, the universe beheld the disregard of who the vampire really was, as disheartening as it is to true fans of the celebrity. I can only hope and pray that a certain someone out there will bring back the prominence the vampire begot the the world of literature and film. Since I have no capacity to control over a thing such as this, here’s to surviving the age of Twilight until all its books and movies come to that much awaited end, together with the massive folly that tagged along with it.

Note: Those who know me on a personal tone are quite aware that I did enjoy Twilight as well, even going as far as to reading up to the third book. The narcissism it contained was compelling at the start, but the extent of its fame gave me nothing but embarrassment as to why I even bothered reading it in the first place. Aside from that, I’m in many ways a hypocrite, so condemn me as you will, I could really care less. :D

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